Transmuting shadow emotions

How our environment can impede or replenish our joy

Elise Albenesius — Sat, 27 Apr 2019 08:46:06 +0000

Now that we have viewed depression from a physical stand point, let’s take a look at our environment and how it impedes or replenishes joy into our daily lives.

Family and Friends

Jealousy in these relationships is very unhealthy and also very counterproductive for growth and development in any aspect of your life and the lives of the ones around you. If you notice you get better energy from strangers than your own inner circle it’s a BIG warning sign to Run!

Now I understand with finances and lack of community support this can be difficult and take more time than you would like to make a move. But your life isn’t here to be miserable, it’s here to blossom like a flower. You can view yourself as a plant, and view the ones closest to you as other plants in a garden. How does it look, feel, smell, when you look from this perspective. Do you feel like a flower with little pests eating holes in your leaves?

I would have compared myself to that flower when I was living in direct vicinity with individuals who did not feed my interests or emotional needs. There is a concept in healthy organic gardening called Companion Planting. It is based in chemistry between the plants, and how some aid each other’s growth and others die in the presence of another plant due to it absorbing the same nutrients or releasing things the other plant does not require.

A pretty flower flourishing in a healthy garden really has a lot to do with what’s growing around the flower. Being different than the ones you have been raised around might seem challenging but if you plant yourself with people who are like minded you can find your experience of life change completely.

Location:

Do you resonate with where you live, or are you simply there because it is where you have always been? Are you bored with your routine and interactions on a daily basis? Does the level of comfort with your surroundings feel binding?

I have lived in different states and different cultural zones in America and it’s so interesting how a change of environment can change your outlook on life and also the way you are being treated on a regular basis. Societal factors, expectations, and social status contribute to living a life that does not serve you spiritually. The world would feel like a better place if everyone chased their dreams full force. It would be so cool if our friends and family supported our ideas and dreams as well but that’s not always the case.

Work:

I have worked for the best management and the worst; it’s so amazing how things can change when you are working with difficult people vs. people of integrity. You can’t chance the workplace, but you can change yourself. Applying to jobs that appeal to your desires, spiritual, and mental development or physical needs can be revitalizing.

Some jobs that are emotionally fulfilling can be working for your local recycling program, no-kill animal shelters, non-profit organizations, locally owned companies, or vacation retreats, resorts, or campgrounds. These jobs are small in comparison to corporate positions but they are out there. Being in the sun, doing what you’re passionate about, helping your community are all things that fulfill the organic soul while working a job that you don’t like dulls all aspects of your life.

Cleaning your Aura and Chakras with the 3 S’s:

The three S’s are salt, sage, and sound healing. Salt removes negative energy from you, your home, and your belongings. It can be sprinkled on the floor prior to sweeping, added to your body wash and shampoo, used for cleaning dishes, and put in your laundry detergent. This is a passive way to clear your auric field and energetic space regularly.

As a self-taught specialist in Hand Massage, I love adding salt in my hand wash. Anytime I use it throughout the day it is not only cleaning my skin, but purifying the very crucial energy centres in the body. These energy centres are conductors for the physical transmission of energy healing.

As far as sage goes, I love adding rose petals and lavender to my smudge sticks, and always remember to leave windows open to allow the smoke to exit a room, home, or vehicle. Sage Goddess has a wonderful range of smudges here.

Sound healing is a great way to amplify your environment, I love crystal bowls and Tibetan singing bowls. Sage Goddess has some beautiful singing bowls here. These can be listened to in the car, while you clean, sleep, or played behind regular music simultaneously. Other sounds to cause energetic change for the better are listening to music on YouTube with Hertz frequencies such 852 hz or 528 hz. I have also noticed my wind chimes sometimes vibrate the same sounds as singing bowls and require no technology to hear.

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How has your environment impeded or amplified your joy? Let us know in the comments below.

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Healing with the elements Part 2 – Air and Fire

Rian Sprigh — Wed, 24 Apr 2019 08:58:05 +0000

Air & Fire is the second part of our 2 Part series on Healing with the elements. Read part one here. We all know these elements, but do we know how they affect us and how we can use them in our daily lives to restore balance and bring healing to ourselves and our environment? As an Andean Solar Priest, we are taught about the intricate relationship between the elements of nature as well as their influence upon us as humans. In this 2 part series I would love to share a few basic insights based on the teachings of the Sacred Andean Tradition.

AIR – Purifies us

Take a deep breath, let it go; you just experienced life. Something autonomous we barely pay attention to keeps us alive, every minute of every day, even when we sleep – imagine the power it can have if we work with it consciously!

Air is life, just think about the breath of life. It carries within it the vital oxygen that fuels our cells. But when something is exposed to air in the wrong way it will be killed, dried out until it becomes nothing but dust. It can move dynamically, lifting things off the ground, causing instability, breaking trees, shattering windows. It also blows the seeds across the fields, carrying them to a resting place to sprout and grow.

This element governs our mental energy and communication. From a soft whisper to the loudest scream, air is needed to initiate the vibration of the sound as well as to carry it over to someone’s ears. Our thoughts, like the wind, are sometimes soft and quiet, other times gusty and strong, or even spiraling out of control like a tornado. Our thoughts too can create instability in our lives, break and shatter us. Our words too can break and shatter those around us. All from the air we breathe.

He is wise and teaches us the value of silence. He can carry our messages across the earth, across worlds even. When our mind becomes anxious and loud, he can bring us calmness. When our thoughts become impure, he can blow through us, lifting the dirt and debris from our minds. When we have ideas and wishes we want to bring in to the world, he can carry these seeds across the fields to find the right place for it to sprout to life.

Walk around and become aware of the air. There does not need to be any wind for you to work with this element – every breath moves the air. Focus on your breathing and feel the air fill every part of you. Feel it swirl through your mind, purifying your thoughts, calming your anxiety and clearing your mind, returning you to focus. Feel it move through your body, charging every cell with its gift of life, reenergizing you at a cellular level.

Ask it to carry your messages to those you wish to connect to, send the seeds of your thoughts and ideas to their place of germination. Be conscious of his presence all around you and ask him to move through your being, purifying you on all levels. Open your heart to him with love and thank him for the work that has been done.

FIRE – Sanctifies us

What a magical element. He can trap you in a gaze for long periods, stilling your mind and opening your heart. Fire burns within us as passion, ambition, purpose as well as rage, hatred and vengeance, all of which can become very dangerous to us and those around us.

Our sun, life giving source of energy and heat, governing all aspects of vitality and fertility on our planet. He brings the time to sow and the time to reap, the time to be lively and enjoy, as well as the time to become still and rest. Anything it touches changes completely. Burnt to ash, melted into a different form, scarred. Nothing can be the same after the sanctifying touch of fire.

He transmutes energy, consuming the life force of what he touches and sending it back in to the pool of creation – back to pure potential. On a physical level, our body’s internal fire is very fragile – a perfect temperature needs to be maintained for our organism to function properly. One degree warmer or colder and our body becomes ill.

By having our fire element burn too high or too low can make us emotionally, mentally and spiritually ill too. Too much passion or ambition can drive us crazy with ego, burning away all the other things in our lives because we are chasing too much. When it burns down low and we lose our purpose, we spiral downwards very fast, losing the will and energy to live. When the fire burns out, in just an instant, life will cease to exist.

Become still under the sun, close your eyes and turn your face towards him. Feel the energy carried in his heat, his light, entering you, shining in to your core. Allow yourself to be filled with his fire and allow him to sanctify you, transmuting all parts of you that are ready to be set free, to become pure potential again.

Let him bring balance to your fire element, controlling your passion and ambition to be focused without losing touch with the rest of your world. If you are burning low, without drive and passion, ask him to reignite the life within you to move you forward. Like a plant photosynthesizes, absorb the energy of the sun and allow it to make you grow in all aspects of your being. When you feel you have done enough, give thanks to the eternal father, fire and breathe yourself back in to your body.

These descriptions and practices have barely scraped the surface of how the Elements operate in our existence and how we can form relationships with them, accessing and using their energy and teachings in our day to day lives to help us become masters of ourselves, but they bring a starting point of what can be a beautiful relationship with the Elements and yourself. Let Nature teach you, after all, it is what created you… us… everything.

As in Part 1 of this series, these descriptions and practices have barely scraped the surface of how the Elements operate in our existence and how we can form relationships with them, accessing and using their energy and teachings in our day to day lives to help us become masters of ourselves, but they bring a starting point of what can be a beautiful relationship with the Elements and yourself. Let Nature teach you, after all, it is what created you… us… everything.

How do you work to heal with the elements? Tell us about it in the comments.

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Healing with the elements Part 1 – Earth and Water

Rian Sprigh — Sun, 21 Apr 2019 08:53:58 +0000

Earth & Water – we all know them, but do we know how they affect us and how we can use them in our daily lives to restore balance and bring healing to ourselves and our environment? As an Andean Solar Priest, we are taught about the intricate relationship between the elements of nature as well as their influence upon us as humans. In this 2 part series I would love to share a few basic insights based on the teachings of the Sacred Andean Tradition. Read Part 2 here.

EARTH – Transforms us

Beautiful mother and bountiful provider. The Earth brings forth everything physical in our lives. She governs our physical reality, like a mother, giving us shelter and food, clothing us and allowing us to grow through her nourishment. Anything tangible came from this earth, no matter how much it may have been altered or modified by humans after taking it from the earth, it is from the earth. When we think of the Earth in this way, we can learn to call on her energy to help us navigate and change our physical situation and transform it into something more supportive. The same way she can break down an old leaf and turn it into nourishing food for another plant, she can take the energies that no longer serve us and transform it into something that can feed us.

Within our bodies, we carry all the same components that make up the earth; vitamins, minerals, metals, all up to atomic level, we are made up out of the same composition of our mother earth. So when we are in lack of any of these, with practice, we can absorb these from her to restore health and balance to our organism.

We can draw energy from others (which could be seen as energy vampirism), as well as the physical world around us. To start working with the Earth in an energetic way, go out to her and make contact with her. Take off your shoes and sit in a position where the soles of your feet touch the earth and you can lay the palms of your hands on her too, or lay down with your shirt lifted up and make contact with your navel. Then, start talking to her, telling her your worries, fears and secrets, your ailments and the things that aren’t right in your reality.

Ask her to absorb the energy of all these things from you and feel her take it. Listen to her answer as she takes this energy and starts transforming it, changing it into something beneficial and nurturing for you and returning it back to you. Thank her and take a few deep breaths and continue with your day. You will feel much lighter and energized. Doing this regularly will form a powerful, sacred bond with you and the Mother.

WATER – Cleanses us

Formed from earth, birthed from water. From our most vulnerable state as a fetus, until the day we depart from this form, we are dependent on this element.

Our entire organism is nothing more than a compilation of tiny sacks of water – cells. She flows, she freezes and she flies – as do we, with our emotions. The element of water is directly tied to our emotional state and expression.

When we become disconnected, depressed, or struggle with grief, we tend to freeze over, become hard and cold to the world. When we fall in love, or we become fired up with passion, we boil and become gaseous, flying high, out of touch with reality. We go through storms of anger, emotional high and low tides, tranquil flowing times and sometimes confusing rapids. In our body, she gives signals of our emotional pains through our kidneys and our liver, even our blood. We need to pay close attention to these messages so we can work with her.

When we feel emotionally stuck like a stagnant pool, frozen like a block of ice, or floating like gaseous clouds, we can work with the element of water to return to balance, tranquility and flow. She will wash over our spirit, rinse through our soul and clean out all the muck that is keeping us from clarity.

Find a stream of flowing water and sit by it, you can even enter the stream if you are comfortable, and face downstream, seeing the water flowing away from you. Visualize and/or feel the water coming from behind and washing over you, through you, and away from you and see all your mucky energy being washed away, downstream, far away from you. Feel the water rinse through every cell in your body and every vibration of your energy, cleansing you fully.

Ask the water to bring back flow and tranquility to you. To melt your frozen parts and bring down the rains from your floating clouds. Ask her to restore balance to the water aspect of your being. Thank her for what she has done for you and take a few deep breaths to come back to yourself. Once a strong relationship is formed with the Water in this way, you will be able to work with water in any form, be it from a tap, a shower, a pool, the ocean. Just keep love and respect in your heart and she will cleanse you.

What is your favourite way for healing with the elements? Tell us in the comments.

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Gratitude and the pursuit of becoming undepressed

Juanita Pienaar — Fri, 12 Apr 2019 08:43:15 +0000

It is no secret that I have been suffering from depression for a few years now… maybe a few decades – it’s never easy to pinpoint just when things had gotten quite so ‘off’.

When I was studying psychology at uni a lecturer once said that with any kind of mental disorder we should phrase it as ‘she has depression’ as opposed to ‘she is depressed’ to distance the individual from the disease. To help the individual to still have an identity outside of the disease or disorder.

For me though… I did not have depression. I was depressed. I had crawled deep down the dark depression hole and made my home there. Even when I was living my best life – I was a dive instructor working on tropical islands with unimaginably clear water and perfect, sunny days nearly year round. My life looked amazing from the outside. But looking out from the inside everything was just grey for me. Just dark and grey and empty.

A few months ago I started actively working on my depression – I’m not one for taking medications all willy-nilly and didn’t think that antidepressants was the way to go for me (more recently I caved and started taking that supposedly ‘magical’ little pill while I keep pursuing the natural solutions that I speak of below. Please don’t take any of this as medical advice – discuss it with your medical or mental health practitioner). So I decided to treat my depression naturally. You know, with meditations and supplements, being present and in the moment… binaural beats… I tried anything and everything. And the combination of the parts seem to work.

But wait, I hear you say… this article is supposed to be about gratitude… Isn’t it? Here is the thing: I have come to realise that when I feel the most depressed and I start to tumble down that dark hole, I feel the tightness in my chest and the anxiety creeping in, if I just pay attention to the moment I can catch it… and stop it. If I am able to be aware and be conscious in the moment and pay attention to my thoughts I notice that more and more negative thoughts start creeping in. If I let it go- just give in to the habit of letting my mind rush off, pulling me along and yanking me off my feet and out of balance – I end up spiraling down into thoughts that get progressively worse. Thoughts that get toxic. Thoughts that come close to being abusive. Man, I am a mean person to myself sometimes!

In the last month I have made a huge effort to be grateful. To express gratitude as often as I can (I even downloaded a gratitude app that reminds me to list a few things I am grateful for each day) – and I have seen the powerful effect it has had on my life, on my relationships and on the joy that I experience in life. I have seen how very, very sweet life can be if you start focusing on the wonderful bits- people who love you, the taste of food, flowers blooming in the early spring, being able to tie my shoes by myself! Let’s be honest, some days it’s a bit of a struggle to find something to be grateful for, so I just go with it and make something up as I go along. You can find some wonderful gratitude journals here.

Some days when I struggle to catch myself from falling off the precipice that separates a joyful (or even just slightly content) me from ‘curled-up-in-a-foetal-position-rocking-back-and-forth- me’ I find that I cannot find anything to write on my gratitude list- I cannot even be grateful that I am able to tie my own shoes! On these days I sit and stare at that pink screen on my phone with its little inspirational quote and I rebel. I think ‘I don’t want to be grateful for anything… this life sucks’. It is an effort just to think of something to be grateful for – even when I have so many blessings in my life- and I am fully aware of them.

In these moments the comfort of my depression is too tempting. It is too familiar and easy. It is years and decades of conditioning. It is centuries of conditioning inherited from ancestors. It is karmic contracts and lessons needing to be learnt… and realising that is something to be grateful for in itself. Perhaps it is the thing to be most grateful for. That we can learn these lessons and end these contracts and clear this age old karma… finally.

I have found that in the moments where I can catch those negative thoughts- when I can find just ONE thing that I am grateful for in those grey moments before the dark sets in- it starts to flow. ‘I am grateful that my eyes are healthy. ‘I am grateful for my dogs’ ‘I am grateful for this amazing new BRA!’. So, some days I need to work a little harder to find the things that I am grateful for. Some days it sounds really lame. But it starts building momentum and once I am out of the pull of the depression and the negative thoughts I get into the flow. And man, when it flows it flooooows!

But the seduction is always there, always beckoning like a chocolate cake when you’re on an auto immune diet. It is so tempting to just be consumed by its deliciousness, to give in to the cravings and savour the sweet comfort of it. But you know that if you do you will just end up feeling like rubbish. It takes an ocean full of self-control to say ‘No thank you, I prefer to feel happy and healthy without you’ ‘I choose not to give in to your little lies and tricks of seduction’ ‘I have been down that road many, many times and that is not where I want to be’. ‘I will struggle to be grateful today, because I know tomorrow will be easier and the next day will flow with even more ease’.

Stay grateful, keep minding those negative thoughts. Keep pulling away from the seduction of the depression. Use the help of that little pill if you need to… and maybe one day you will wake up and struggle to pinpoint just exactly when you became ‘undepressed’.

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Observing Depression through food and exercise

Elise Albenesius — Fri, 05 Apr 2019 10:41:03 +0000

**Note from the editor. All opinions expressed by our writers are their own. It does not replace guidance from a registered mental health professional. Now, let’s get on to our article…

I have had depression for what seems to be on and off my entire 31 years. Though I am an intelligent, kind, and fun-loving person with integrity, it still continues to creep back into my life from time to time. I have never taken prescription medicine for it though, as that is against my religion. So what can we do from here? I believe self-love or self-acceptance is integral part in addressing any emotional issue, as to not look at it from a self-blaming (emotional) perspective but from a mental (knowledgeable) stand point.

That being said, I view depression as natural part of the human emotional experience. Just as rain storms occur regularly, our teary and dark emotions need to be released as well. This is where observation comes in to play. Crucial elements are needed to release and absorb serotonin, mainly diet and exercise.

Diet

The latest science reveals that the majority of serotonin is released by the solar plexus, “our 2^nd brain” and absorbed through the large intestines.

With that knowledge it is easy to see how inorganic foods and overeating can disrupt the absorption of serotonin. With this awareness a change of diet can dramatically enrich the positive aspects of your life. I also recommend looking into your family history, where you come from, and what they ate. We might live in a modern society with availability to anything and everything to eat, but your DNA comes from somewhere, and that place had specific diet restrictions due to what was possible to grow in the region.

Getting in tune with native foods culturally and locally can give you the specific nutrients you need to thrive as well as connect you to your natural environment. Visiting a farmers market not only is fun, but you can purchase foods you have never seen in a grocery store, bringing you nutrients you’ve never had. Learning also stimulates the brain which will occur as you figure out how to cook these natural foods.

Exercise

Exercise doesn’t need to be exhausting or at a gym. Simple yoga poses can be held for up to 20 breaths, which is much more than 20 seconds. When you start a yoga posture you may only be able to stay in it for 3-5 breaths. Daily practice only needs to be 10 minutes at a time, am and pm, and can be considered an active meditation- a way to calm and focus your internal energy- and develops strength and aligns the spine.

Never underestimate the power of “planks” as there are So many variations: resting on elbows and knees or either. Or pull one leg up for some serious abs, bent knee leg up. When in full plank position you can bring your knee up and in towards your belly button or shoulder, opposite shoulder, back to full plank and lift your leg up and to the back.

Calisthenics are done regularly in many countries at work and school just like lunch break is offered, exercise is as well. And never underestimate the JOY that is jumping jacks or jump rope, which are used in MMA training. For the record, men: Pilates was created by a Male German Boxer, and women were not allowed to do yoga for hundreds of years, it was created by men. And there is definitely no need to have a certain body type or the right (and fashionable) yoga outfit to step onto the mat.

These simple changes to a depressed routine can ignite much more happiness into the body and help you start living a happier and healthier life.

What alternative methods helped you deal with depression? How has it worked for you? Tell us in the comments below.

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How to deal with Shadow emotions and what happens if we don’t

Robyn MacGregor — Fri, 15 Mar 2019 11:36:17 +0000

How do you deal with yourself when you realize you were acting a little whack the other night?

When you go to a job interview and the interviewer asks you what your strengths are, do you enlighten them as to how much of a team-playing, detail-orientated perfectionist you are, but when they ask what your weakness’s are you have no idea what to say and instead think “I can’t tell them what I suck at and am not good at”.

In our article “Manipulation: A Shadow Action” we mentioned that sometimes, with all of our good intentions and well wishes, we can be the manipulator. I wanted to further explore the moments in our lives when we are the ones in the wrong. Where the Facebook quotes about ‘not letting haters get us down’ and ‘5 ways to cut toxic people out of our lives’ is aimed at us – because we have become the toxic haters.

This time we look at the part of ourselves that we might try to hide because they are not the best version of ourselves. We look at how we can be more aware and what happens if we don’t change.

Firstly, I want to start off by saying that we are not perfect.

We always say this but I think we have lost the concept on what that means in our everyday lives.

We expect everything to be perfect and done on time. But, more than that, we expect to have our emotions in order, to never overreact, to have all our ducks in a row, to never get upset, to never be a little ticked off or irritated. As I have gotten older I have realised that the less wiggle room we give ourselves with these traits, the more stressful it becomes and because we think that we have to be perfect all the time, it makes us miserable… because we are falling short.

The best thing I have heard this year is “We are not gods, we are flawed mortals” or something like that. I liked it because it was lends a shoulder to those of us who have a difficult time dealing with some aspects of ourselves that we struggle to accept.

When I look at myself and try to figure out when the times are that I am not my most happy self, sometimes I find it is when:

I am overwhelmed by all that I have to do.
I am criticized.
I am feeling taken advantage of or taken for granted.
When I am worried about money.
When I am not reaching my goals.
When I am stressed.
When I am hungry.
Or when I am tired.

When I look at myself and try to figure out when the times are that I might lash out or be the nastier version of myself, I am actually surprised to find that most of the time the things that make me unhappy are also the things that trigger my hidden self to come out a little more.

In those times I will admit that I can be

Irritated.
Moody.
Short tempered.
Angry.
Upset.
Just generally unhappy.

If you do not deal with these aspects it leads to a loss of balance (as much as we try to have balance) and, more importantly, throws our perspective and good decision making skills right out the window.

Some of the ways I find that when I am unhappy how it affects my life

I do not enjoy any of the work I am doing.
I find that I dwell on negative aspects.
I am not appreciative of what I have.
I am constantly bombarded with negative thoughts.
I might develop a ‘poor-me’ mentality.
I might want to sleep a little more than usual.
I do mind-numbing things like watch too much TV or scroll through social media more than usual.
I am short with loved ones.

Some things that we can do

Set goals: Every week set achievable goals. I am not talking about the end goal, like workout 5 times this week and develop a morning routine.
Start small: This is the only time thinking smaller is actually a good thing. Pick 1 or 2 things for the next week that you would like to work on. Like getting up a little earlier in the morning, or working out at least once (you have to start somewhere).
Be realistic: This is something I think we all forget to do. We set these huge goals and do not have smaller achievable goals set that would lead us towards reaching our bigger goal. We only see ourselves at the top of the mountain, we forget about packing in water, having the right shoes, getting the body ready for the walk. We forget the journey.
Find hobbies: Something you really like to do that brings you joy. Forget the word passion, just look at something that you like or are interested in. Have a quick look in your Google history for inspiration.
Ask for help: Talk to family and friends and see where they can assist you. If you are wanting to stop eating junk food, ask a family member for an easy recipe that they love to use. Speak to your partner about what you need from them and also what they need from you in order to both live your life in harmony.
Learn from other people: I cannot tell you how beneficial it is to get outside of your mind and see how other people live their lives. What their habits are, how they structure their days, what they spend their time on, how they manage their money and their time. Speak to people to gain some insight that you can learn from and apply to your own life.
Try and eliminate nastiness and negativity from your life: Whenever you want to complain or feel negative, in your mind give a short thanks for something you are grateful for. I am not a positive-preach all the time kind of gal but when you do this it does give you some perspective and lessens the time you spend focusing on the negative. You can find some great gratitude journals here.

Remember that our lives are short and that one day, we won’t be here anymore. Who wants to live a life full of negativity, anger, irritation and unhappiness?

What do you do to notice your shadow side? How do you recognise it and how to you address it?

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The trap of Positivity

Rian Sprigh — Tue, 19 Feb 2019 09:25:07 +0000

Is it possible to be too positive? Or is it perhaps negative to be too positive? Can a positive attitude be harmful? Most definitely.

What are you trying to hide behind that ever-glowing smile? What are you running away from? Stop denying it – it is not possible to always be positive. It is one thing to have a positive approach or outlook on life, but it is distinctly different from trying to convince yourself (and others) that you are an ever-positive person with nothing bad affecting you in life.

Why are we not allowed to have a bad day? Why are we afraid of admitting that something is not fine? What do we achieve by turning a blind eye to what is happening in the world around us? All for the sake of staying in a “positive environment” – or a fake one?

What are we afraid of? That if we acknowledge the “negative” things in life they will gain power? The thing is, by avoiding the negative things, we become unable to change it. You need to know the name of your enemy if you are to defeat it.

If you want to live an authentic life, you need to embrace all of life – the good and the bad. Don’t give up your authenticity, your humanness, for the sake of being seen as an always-positive person. I have so much more respect for someone who can break down and cry because life just sucks for that moment; being willing to lose the battle in order to win the war.

It is in the darkness of the shadow that you will find the weapon needed to defeat the enemy. Embrace the chaos of life. Embrace the sadness. Embrace the pain. Embrace the injustice. Face it, head on and call it by its name. Allow it to punch you, push you, throw you and step on you, because until you know its routine, power and origin, you will not be able to overcome it.

But you cannot do this if you choose to focus only on the positive, to only look for the silver lining. You will not be able to experience the light that brings the silver lining of the dark cloud until you allow that cloud to empty all its rain.

We are often told to use positive affirmations, mantras, to help us manifest or overcome bad situations. But do they really work? Or is it just a band aid on a wound that actually needs stitches?

Let’s break down the term “positive affirmations”:

Positive – Good, hopeful, nurturing, enjoyable circumstances. These are all synonyms or attributes of what we would consider positive.

Affirmation, which is to affirm – to state as truth and to support.

So when we create a positive affirmation based on a negative circumstance, what are we really affirming? Are we perhaps reinforcing the negativity? We are after all affirming that situation.

Let me give you a scenario: I hate my job. Like really hate it. So in order to help me cope with it and try to change it, I come up with a positive affirmation “My job is nurturing, supporting and makes me feel great”. I use it every day and it gives me some hope, but by the end of the day I get home frustrated and angry. That is because my “positive affirmation” is based on my negative experience, so instead of improving my situation, I am just reinforcing, affirming, the fact that I hate my job and trying to convince myself otherwise.

Positive affirmations need to be based on reality and not act as a distraction or something we use to try and convince ourselves. So a better “positive affirmation” for the above scenario could be “I am unhappy with my job, but I am open to finding ways to love it”. This way, you acknowledge the reality of the negative and you are calling in change, not just trying to convince yourself that everything is alright.

Positive affirmation, based on positive experience, work wonders in helping us focusing on and manifesting our goals. I will give an example of this:

I love my job and what I do, so I create a positive affirmation to help me excel in it such as: “My job is becoming more rewarding and fulfilling”, again affirming the reality (“becoming more rewarding” suggest that it already is rewarding) and calling in change.

So when creating affirmations, we need to affirm the reality and then change the energy.

We need to accept the duality of our existence. There is no running away from it. As long as you are here on this planet, there will be positive and negative experiences, on varying levels, until the day you die. No amount of ignorance will lead to bliss. But when you embrace the totality of life, you can turn the negativity in to positivity. Growing the light in your life so that you can handle the hard times better.

Face the negativity more easily. Bring about positive change. We need to transmute and transform the negative energies in to positivity and the only way to do that is to acknowledge, accept and experience them. They won’t just go away. Energy cannot be destroyed, it can only change form and the only way you can change it, is to work with it. Love your negativity.

Comment below to tell us how you embrace the good and the bad and which affirmations work for you to acknowledge reality while inviting in change. Or sign up for our self-worth email course.

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Manipulation: A Shadow Action

Robyn MacGregor — Sat, 16 Feb 2019 08:11:05 +0000

Before I start I would just like to admit that in doing research for this article I did not realize how much we have to deal with different kinds of manipulation every day, and have had to since we were children.

Lets start by identifying what manipulation actually is (because I do not remember this being covered in school).

Manipulation; a type of social influence that aims to change the behaviours or perception of others through abusive, deceptive or underhanded tactics.

Let have a look at some verbs used to describe manipulation

Blame
Control
Handle
Alter / Edit
Manage
Mislead

You get my drift…

How manipulation has been showing up in our lives.

Let’s talk about why manipulation is something that we have had to deal with since we were children.

If you think about the relationship dynamic that are your parents, they are our first lessons in life on basically everything. Back then it might not have been outright manipulation, but reverse psychology. Perhaps when your father wanted your mother to do something (like cook supper) he would say something like “You are so good at it, your food tastes so much better than mine”.

When playing with a friend that might have been younger than yourself, if you really liked a toy they had but couldn’t ask them if you could have it… or, you know, just take it… cause that would be stealing, you might have said something like “I wish I had a toy like this, it’s so cool” and they would give it to you.

Fast forward to your time in school, learning to deal with kids of all kinds, you might have faced peer pressure head on (which, thinking about it now, was our first and probably most important lesson that would set us up for how we would deal with different personalities, and pressures in later life). Think of the times that you felt forced to think something was cool when you didn’t really think it was or were coaxed into doing something bad cause the cool kids did it…. and we all wanted to be cool.

Now you are #adulting and still trying to define yourself, your beliefs and values. In the working world where everyone is different and has varying personalities, morals and values, strengths and weaknesses.

How do you know if you are being manipulated?

I do not believe that everyone that has manipulative tendencies always recognises they are being manipulative. I also think that even if you are a person prone to being manipulated, that you too might be a manipulator in some areas of your life. I do not think that this is something that can always be avoided but, with open and honest communication and self-reflection it is something, that we can improve on.

If you experience any of these emotions after a conversation with someone, it might be something you need to reflect on:

Questioning yourself (whether you were correct with what you said and whether you said it in the correct way).
Going over the conversation in your head or taking about it with a friend.
Feeling like it was your fault and the other person was justified.
Feeling a little duped.
Looking for justification that you were not wrong.

What can you do

A common trait that I have noticed about a variety of people that lead happy, balanced lives and never allow themselves to be manipulated…

They have boundaries.

At work they do not spend all their spare time with one or two people only, they chat to a variety of a people about different topics.

They do not spend every moment in the office. They take a couple minutes of their day to go outside, out of the office.

They don’t just work all day. They talk to people, greet them properly, ask them how they are doing and take an interest in something other than their emails.

What if you are the manipulator?

In this world of Facebook quotes about accepting the things we cannot change and not letting anyone dull your sparkle. What if you were to find out that you are actually the one that is manipulating and causing someone else a bit of stress and angst.

Notice the thoughts that you have throughout the day about a certain colleague. Perhaps if you catch yourself feeling a little annoyed of irritated… hey we are human beings, it happens. Think to yourself why you might have those thoughts and notice if it affects the way you speak to them or treat them.

With your partner or a family member we sometimes don’t let our best selves out but instead allow the grumpier, difficult, unprofessional, moody version of ourselves call the shots- because if I can’t be myself with my family then where can I be myself? Again notice who irritates or annoys you or makes you feel a certain kind of way, and which people you are your perfect self around.

For myself for example I have noticed that sometimes in different areas of my like I tend to gravitate and give more of myself to people who withhold from me or make me feel like “if they like me then I’m all good.” And tended to not give as much to someone who is overly nice to me or has never said a nasty thing to me. I’m working on it.

Does this resonate with you?

Have you ever noticed that you might be engaging in manipulative behaviour to get someone else to act in a certain way? Tell us in the comments below and sign up for our free self-worth email course below.

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The importance of Shadow Emotions

Robyn MacGregor — Wed, 06 Feb 2019 09:00:56 +0000

It’s been a great day. I woke up slowly to the sound of birds tweeting. I got to work early, ate well, laughed with my colleagues and am now seated on the bus listening to some good music making my way home.

Scrolling through my phone gallery I find a photo of my sister that makes me laugh and think to myself how lucky I am at this moment in my life. To have safe timely transport home, to have a great job, to have a lovely little home that I get to live in, to have enough money to not have to struggle and to have a family.

All of a sudden a feeling comes over me after a quick thought about certain family members who are struggling with their own battles and demons and who unlike me do not have their health or happiness and I suddenly feel sad……but not a momentary sadness. A sadness that I have felt before that comes and goes and leaves me feeling guilty. A sadness that burns my nose and cheeks and makes my eyes water. I can’t cry on the bus? But why do I feel sadness or guilt?

It’s not by my doing that they are there.

And, within minutes my lucky life becomes something that I feel bad for having.

It had been a great day, hadn’t it?

Fear, anxiety, depression, anger, and guilt.

These are just some of the negative emotions that we as human beings must learn to deal with on a daily basis. They show up in a variety of ways and sometimes catch us off guard. Sometimes they are like hot coals that we hold in our hand – burning ourselves in spite of someone else.

These are bits of ourselves that we hide. Most of us are lucky enough to have close ones that understand and bear with us when these emotions show up unannounced, knocking at the front door like some estranged friend. We always feel so terrible when we are jealous of someone else’s luck in life, or angry when someone else gets what we want, or fearful when we just can’t do the thing we want to do. But we are never really taught how to deal with these emotions that we will inevitably feel. We will feel them because of the fact that we are…..and I’m going to drop a bomb here… flawed human beings…..and we always will be.

Why do we sometimes hide these feelings? Because we feel they are wrong? There is no black and white? Even if we are completely justified and the other person has wronged us, sometimes we would rather stew in the feeling than confront them. I feel that I am like that because I perhaps don’t know what the best way is to deal with it.

What happens if we do not deal with negative emotions?

I realized a while ago that a big reason why it is so important for us as children to attend a normal school, have normal friends and experiences is because school prepares you for the working life. It builds respect for work and a work ethic (think homework). It also prepares you to deal with different situations, people and emotions. Sometimes, though, I do feel that a little more emphasis could be placed on how a particular situation- and your reaction to it- is a learning curve for adulthood.

I was one of the many teenagers that were bullied during school and I sometimes feel that because of how it was addressed followed me into adulthood. Not being able to properly confront a situation without needing to think of exactly how I am going to deal with it and all the while the frustrations of it bubble up.

When you become an adult learning how to deal with negative emotions is very important because it shapes our relationships, as well as our self-esteem. Sometimes it may feel as though anytime that there is an issue that needs to be resolved, we might shy away because we feel the only outcome of attempting to take on a disagreement would be through argument. When we feel jealous or guilty over a situation we forget that there is another way out other than continuing to feel that way.

Perhaps that is why they are called shadow emotions. Because they follow us where ever we go and until we learn how to confront them and our own fears about them they will continue to drag behind us, weighing us down.

How do you deal with your shadow emotions?

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Sitting with your Shadow

Rian Sprigh — Mon, 28 Jan 2019 09:00:32 +0000

We often hear and read about “shadow work”, or that person is “operating from their shadow”, “you need to integrate your shadow”, “I am struggling with my shadow” etc, but what does that even mean?

To understand the “shadow”, we need to start by turning to our physical, natural reality and ask: “What is a shadow?” A shadow is a disruption in the flow of light, casting a visual copy of the perceived object form the angle of the direction of light. Though shadows from the same object can differ in size and sometimes seem like a totally different shape, the object source of the shadow remains the same, but it is the intensity of and angle from which the light is shone that changes the appearance of the shadow. It is only in the total absence of light that a shadow does not exist – in darkness, a whole other topic.

Everything in our physical existence can cast a shadow when a light source is introduced. I am sure you have heard the saying that a flame does not have a shadow, signifying that by being a source of light you will not have a shadow. Yet, when you cast a light source on a burning candle at the right density or brightness and angle, even a flame will cast a shadow. What am I getting at you ask? That even a light source can cast a shadow when another light source is introduced, so no matter how “spiritually evolved” you may become, shadows will always come up to be dealt with.

So how does this apply to the spiritual aspect of our shadow?

Most of us have become so distracted in life; occupied with the mundane tasks of living, being part of society, living up to expectations, being what our families, jobs, communities, partners, children etc need us to be, that we never get to see ourselves, nor notice our shadows, until a light source is introduced – very often through a harsh life experience that shakes the flaps off of our eyes, but sometimes through a natural deep inner awakening.

We see ourselves for the first time, start to get to know ourselves, our true selves, seeing all parts of us as the Light shines upon us. And then we notice it, cast to the side in a shape that seems familiar yet unrecognizable – our shadow. It makes us see ourselves from a different perspective and angle. It makes us think differently about who we are and what we are going through in that moment. Sometimes making us act totally out of character or unaligned with good moral values.

Picture this situation: Your best friend of many years rubs you up the wrong way and suddenly that love that you feel for them feels a lot less like love and a lot more like anger, hate or vengeance. Something that has never happened before, so why now? This is the Light making you aware of the shadow part of your Love. It shines upon you, casting a shadow and using this quarrel to draw your attention to it. Acknowledge this shadow. How big is it? What is the light source casting this shadow? Is the light coming from your past? From your childhood? Does it have to do with your value and how you are perceived? How does this shadow make you feel? What aspect of the quarrel caused this light source to cast this shadow? Was it a word? An expression? Sometimes the light source comes through meditation, a healing session or another person shining in our lives and making us vulnerably aware of ourselves.

Now comes the time for decision: am I going to act on this shadow and roll with the anger, hatred and vengeance? Or am I going to act on the light source and heal this part of myself that is calling my attention? By having an honest awareness of yourself and a willingness to master your shadows instead of acting on them, you will be able to acknowledge when this happens and make the right decision – following the light to resolve the source of this issue instead of acting out and retaliating to your friend causing irreparable damage to a loving relationship.

The size and shape of the shadow and thus the difficulty or intensity needed to work with it will vary on the light source. Again, let’s turn to our natural surroundings to understand this a bit better: When a light source is weak or rather far away, the shadow will seem very dull, sometimes not even totally visible. When the light source is closer and brighter, the shadow is denser and more clearly visible. When the light source comes from a lower angle, the shadow appears long and stretched out and equal to the opposite, from a higher angle, the shadow will appear shorter and smaller. If the light source is very close, the shadow will be much, much bigger than the object itself.

The same happens with our shadow aspects. It depends on the intensity, angle and proximity the light source is coming from that will determine how dark and big this shadow will be in your life. And as we work on the light source to understand what is causing the shadow, we start integrating it. Pulling it closer to us until we can absorb it in to us and heal that part of us fully. Keep in mind that as you work on this light source, as it moves closer to you to integrate, the shadow moves along with it; changing in size and density, affecting your surroundings in different ways until you have integrated and healed the light source and the shadow disappears.

This is what it means to work with your shadow. Understanding that you will cast a shadow as long as you seek Light in your life and then being open and honest with yourself when that shadow is cast to see what light source it is coming from, so that you may integrate it and that shadow will no longer be cast, but instead become part of your being as wisdom and power to propel you forward on your path of soul evolution. It is not about “integrating your shadow” but instead integrating what is causing the shadow. Seeing the shadow as a teacher instead of an enemy. Knowing that this process will continue, always, until you yourself become integrated in to the Ultimate Light.

Join us on a journey into yourSelf. We will start off with a mini email course on Self-worth. Start the journey below.

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