Shadow emotions

Are you ready to face your fear?

Juanita Pienaar — Thu, 06 Feb 2020 10:06:53 +0000

I worked as a scuba dive instructor for a few years. I had the amazing opportunity to live on some of the most beautiful places on earth… think tropical islands with the required white sandy beaches and clear turquoise water…

I also had the opportunity to guide my students through some of the most difficult times of their lives. Scuba diving takes you waaaay out of your comfort zone. It places you in a very unique and unfamiliar environment. And you need to deal with all of the emotions that come up. The uncertainty, the trepidation, the fear…

I have been next to so many students working through their fear, fighting with their own minds in order to get control and surface more confident and empowered.

I want to do that for you. I want to help you on your journey, walk next to you through those dark and scary times when your mind might be telling you that it is all just too much. Let me sit with you and support you in order to gain your own empowerment.

Find out more about my Intuitive Shadow Work sessions here.

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Chasing Your Shadow – Working Through Your Shadow Side for a More Authentic and Happy Life.

Juanita Pienaar — Fri, 06 Dec 2019 09:16:49 +0000

We all have those bits of ourselves. The bits that we hide from others. And the bits that we hide even from ourselves. It is the parts of ourselves that we deny, that we avoid and turn away from when they come up. Often, it is the parts that we feel are not acceptable to ourselves or others. It is often by suppressing these aspects of ourselves that we fall out of balance with ourselves, when we feel anxious and depressed and as if something is just ‘a little bit or a lot off’. Some days you are chasing your shadow… some days it might feel as if your shadow is chasing you…

What is your shadow?

According to psychologist Carl Jung we tend to project our shadow onto other people. Ever heard the saying that whatever bothers you the most of other people are your own unrecognised flaws? Our subconscious tries to bring these shadows to our attention through showing them in someone else. This can be friends or family or even fictional characters. It can even be in the form of people in your dreams. The shadow can also just be something that you repress, something that you hide from others and yourself.

It is natural for us to want to just see the good in ourselves, and it is difficult to admit to experiencing things like guilt and shame, anger, insecurity and lust, depression and anxiety. All of these things are seen by society as bad and we tend to distance ourselves from feeling and experiencing these things.

The more we try to silence our shadow side, the more it presses to be heard. It will consistently show up in other people and in your dreams. It wants to be acknowledged and integrated so that it can heal, and you can live a more authentic life.

“To become conscious of [the shadow] involves recognizing the dark aspects of the personality as present and real”- Carl Jung.

Once you start to do some introspection and chasing your shadow, or self-analysis as Jung calls it, your shadow will become more apparent. Honest investigation will show you parts of yourself that might be difficult to see, never mind accept. It is the parts that you have always been taught to reject, that aren’t good enough, that are not acceptable and worthy. From this stem self-rejection, and in extreme cases even self-hate.

Chasing your shadow.

To know yourself and fully accept yourself you need to dig deep into who you are, all the wonderful parts of you, but also all the nasty bits. Facing your shadow side, chasing your shadow, even just accepting that you have these qualities is difficult. You need to acknowledge parts of yourself that you have always tried to hide. The work is hard and long, one does not merely integrate one’s shadow in a day. It is a continuous cycle of growth, of facing bits, acknowledging and accepting them, healing and moving forward. Only to start the cycle again, digging more, digging deeper, healing more fully.

The goal of all of this is to be able to see yourself as a whole, but more than that, to be able to love and accept yourself as a whole, with all your good and bad parts.

You can, of course live your life without exploring your shadow side. This, however, will keep you in a state of unconsciousness as that is where the shadow resides. While ignoring your shadow you will also be ignoring your unconscious mind end everything in it that needs to heal.

We tend to avoid it because it is difficult and because it is painful. Few things are as soul shaking as taking a deep, hard look at yourself and realising that you are and have done things that are not ok. That sometimes, you are the toxic person in someone’s life. It takes strength and courage to stand, unwavering and face those truths about yourself.

Many people choose not to do it. They prefer to live in an unconscious space. For some people that path works, it is familiar, and it is comfortable. Facing your shadow is not. It is quite the opposite in fact. At least at first. It is sore and uncomfortable and daunting. But in the process, you will grow, and you will heal and the promise at the end is a self that is whole and complete. A person who know who they are and have seen the best and the worst in themselves and fully love and accepts the entirety of who they are.

How to face and heal your shadow.

How does one start to integrate your shadow? First you need to start by paying attention. Practice mindfulness and start to pay attention to the little things that might usually go unnoticed. You want to start making the unconscious conscious.

Through paying attention, you will start to learn what triggers you, what situations or which people elicits a certain, undesired, response from you. You will start to notice aspects of other people that you dislike. In these situations (or during a quite time afterwards) you can sit and explore the feelings that arose in you. Ask what triggered you and why you feel so strongly about it. Think back to other times in your life when you felt the same, is there a common thread that you can explore?

Our unconscious mind often speaks to us through messages in our dreams. My keeping a dream journal you will start to recognise whether there are patters that need to be explored.

The aim of shadow work is not to sit in a miserable heap, lamenting on what an awful person you are, although there might be moments of doing that. It is about self-discovery and self-acceptance.

It is thus important that shadow work should be done in a gentle and caring setting with focus and intention. A good practice is to keep affirming to yourself “I love myself when… (insert shadow aspect here)”. By becoming aware of your shadow side, it no longer holds any power over you. Rather, you become more empowered as a human being capable of experiencing the full spectrum of being alive, the good and the bad. And that is the way you lead an authentic life.

Find out how you can increase your self-love and chase your shadow side, and heal it through Remembering Your Worth.

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Narcissists and Empaths: Cut from the same cloth?

Rian Sprigh — Thu, 21 Mar 2019 08:19:24 +0000

**Note from the editor: Narcissism is a mental condition only diognosable by mental health professionals. While some of us, if not all of us, sometimes display narcissistic tendencies these diagnosis should only be made by qualified persons. Now, let’s get on to the article…

In today’s day and age we are surrounded by so many people with narcissistic behavior that we probably do not even realize it, because we are living in a world where people are literally being paid to be narcissistic and self-involved. Then we are also living in a day and age where more and more emotionally sensitive people are awakening to their true potential as empaths, here to help people navigate through the emotions of the rapidly evolving consciousness. So what happens when the Empath meets the Narcissist?

I can honestly tell you that there are very few things that really trigger me and gets my water boiling, but one of these very few things is narcissism. As an empath and healer, I can just not understand how a person could be like that? You know, like in the cartoons when they are running ridiculous mathematical formulas or something and their eyes start rolling in their heads with smoke coming out of their ears – that is me trying to understand a narcissist.

I get defensive and angry, shooting from the hip, trying to disarm them and making a fool of myself in the process; like I have no control over my emotional reactions whatsoever. It takes a lot of self-control for me to remain calm and not become reactive when I am around narcissists.

I can understand people with over-inflated egos, who suffer from deep wounding of emotional trauma and then put up this façade of strength, great self-confidence and big talk about themselves, but narcissists are so different. Most of them do not have self-confidence issues at all, neither do they have self-worth issues; they are very confident and know their value and are very happy to make you aware of it. They are always surrounded by many people, lots of friends and they love crowds. They automatically become the center of attention when they walk in to a room because their presence demands attention; like a raging fire, you can’t help but to look.

They lure people in with their magnetic personalities, never revealing their full personality, never showing that raging fire, because then people will show caution from the start. No, they attract people with sweetness and confidence, taking people “under their wing” and “protecting them”, building their following, adding to their fuel stocks to keep the fire going. They understand a person very well, they can read people like open books, getting them to confide in them so they can trust them very easily, using their secrets as a way to keep them captive and close. They need these people around them to be praised constantly, fueling their fire with awe, but they will never allow people to express any of their own deep emotions, sadness or hurt, because that does not feed them and so if they are not being praised, they are quick to point out everyone’s flaws and cast them away as if they are the bad people, the ones doing something wrong, simply because they are not feeding the narcissistic fire. So their fire starts burning stronger, hotter, burning more and more people around them until one day they burn out – left with no one around them to pick them up; the sad ending of narcissists. It is inevitable.

But why do most empaths have an issue with this type of person? What makes it so hard for an empath to connect to a narcissist and help them? Compare the following paragraph with the one above:

Empaths attract people with their warm personalities, often remaining very shy and introverted as they struggle to open up to others as to not burden them. Their openness and understanding brings many people who come and seek advice, or just someone to talk to, because they know that they are safe and heard in the presence of the empath. Empaths take on the emotions of others to truly understand what they are going through and help them navigate through these emotions to come to resolution and peace, encouraging them to fully express and experience all aspects of themselves. They lovingly point people in the direction of finding, understanding and loving the parts of themselves that need healing. They become the cheerleader and motivate people to become better versions of themselves. Through this they become surrounded by loving people who understand boundaries, love themselves and love those around them.

So when these two come together, there is an unspoken power struggle that erupts: the narcissist trying to draw praise from the empath and the empath seeing the harm the narcissist is causing themselves and others and trying to get through to the narcissist to help. The only way an empath can help a person is if the person allows them in, knowing that they are hurt and in need of help. Narcissists never see themselves as hurt or hurting others and so will never accept an offer of help as they “see no need for it”, so the empath is stuck seeing a train that is going to derail with no way to help – and this is deeply disturbing to an empath. Here are some ideas on how empaths can protect themselves.

So what can an empath do in order to be of service and help narcissists and those they affect? No amount of pushing is going to get the narcissist to open up and accept that they are in fact in need of help. The best thing you can do for them and those around them is to wrap the narcissist in love, with the intention that this covering of love will contain their fire so that it does not hurt people around them, but at the same time that it will reflect back to them their behavior so that may see and wake up to the truth of their situation, and so come to their own realization that they need to make changes – and then the empath can step in and do the work.

Are you an empath? How do you handle narcissists? Tell us about your experience with narcissists in the comments.

Sign up for our free mini-course on self worth by filling in your details below, or take a look at our Remembering your worth e-course here.

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How to deal with Shadow emotions and what happens if we don’t

Robyn MacGregor — Fri, 15 Mar 2019 11:36:17 +0000

How do you deal with yourself when you realize you were acting a little whack the other night?

When you go to a job interview and the interviewer asks you what your strengths are, do you enlighten them as to how much of a team-playing, detail-orientated perfectionist you are, but when they ask what your weakness’s are you have no idea what to say and instead think “I can’t tell them what I suck at and am not good at”.

In our article “Manipulation: A Shadow Action” we mentioned that sometimes, with all of our good intentions and well wishes, we can be the manipulator. I wanted to further explore the moments in our lives when we are the ones in the wrong. Where the Facebook quotes about ‘not letting haters get us down’ and ‘5 ways to cut toxic people out of our lives’ is aimed at us – because we have become the toxic haters.

This time we look at the part of ourselves that we might try to hide because they are not the best version of ourselves. We look at how we can be more aware and what happens if we don’t change.

Firstly, I want to start off by saying that we are not perfect.

We always say this but I think we have lost the concept on what that means in our everyday lives.

We expect everything to be perfect and done on time. But, more than that, we expect to have our emotions in order, to never overreact, to have all our ducks in a row, to never get upset, to never be a little ticked off or irritated. As I have gotten older I have realised that the less wiggle room we give ourselves with these traits, the more stressful it becomes and because we think that we have to be perfect all the time, it makes us miserable… because we are falling short.

The best thing I have heard this year is “We are not gods, we are flawed mortals” or something like that. I liked it because it was lends a shoulder to those of us who have a difficult time dealing with some aspects of ourselves that we struggle to accept.

When I look at myself and try to figure out when the times are that I am not my most happy self, sometimes I find it is when:

I am overwhelmed by all that I have to do.
I am criticized.
I am feeling taken advantage of or taken for granted.
When I am worried about money.
When I am not reaching my goals.
When I am stressed.
When I am hungry.
Or when I am tired.

When I look at myself and try to figure out when the times are that I might lash out or be the nastier version of myself, I am actually surprised to find that most of the time the things that make me unhappy are also the things that trigger my hidden self to come out a little more.

In those times I will admit that I can be

Irritated.
Moody.
Short tempered.
Angry.
Upset.
Just generally unhappy.

If you do not deal with these aspects it leads to a loss of balance (as much as we try to have balance) and, more importantly, throws our perspective and good decision making skills right out the window.

Some of the ways I find that when I am unhappy how it affects my life

I do not enjoy any of the work I am doing.
I find that I dwell on negative aspects.
I am not appreciative of what I have.
I am constantly bombarded with negative thoughts.
I might develop a ‘poor-me’ mentality.
I might want to sleep a little more than usual.
I do mind-numbing things like watch too much TV or scroll through social media more than usual.
I am short with loved ones.

Some things that we can do

Set goals: Every week set achievable goals. I am not talking about the end goal, like workout 5 times this week and develop a morning routine.
Start small: This is the only time thinking smaller is actually a good thing. Pick 1 or 2 things for the next week that you would like to work on. Like getting up a little earlier in the morning, or working out at least once (you have to start somewhere).
Be realistic: This is something I think we all forget to do. We set these huge goals and do not have smaller achievable goals set that would lead us towards reaching our bigger goal. We only see ourselves at the top of the mountain, we forget about packing in water, having the right shoes, getting the body ready for the walk. We forget the journey.
Find hobbies: Something you really like to do that brings you joy. Forget the word passion, just look at something that you like or are interested in. Have a quick look in your Google history for inspiration.
Ask for help: Talk to family and friends and see where they can assist you. If you are wanting to stop eating junk food, ask a family member for an easy recipe that they love to use. Speak to your partner about what you need from them and also what they need from you in order to both live your life in harmony.
Learn from other people: I cannot tell you how beneficial it is to get outside of your mind and see how other people live their lives. What their habits are, how they structure their days, what they spend their time on, how they manage their money and their time. Speak to people to gain some insight that you can learn from and apply to your own life.
Try and eliminate nastiness and negativity from your life: Whenever you want to complain or feel negative, in your mind give a short thanks for something you are grateful for. I am not a positive-preach all the time kind of gal but when you do this it does give you some perspective and lessens the time you spend focusing on the negative. You can find some great gratitude journals here.

Remember that our lives are short and that one day, we won’t be here anymore. Who wants to live a life full of negativity, anger, irritation and unhappiness?

*Disclosure: Some of the links in this post are “affiliate links.” This means we may garner a small commission at no cost to you if you choose to make a purchase. Read our full Affiliate Disclosure Statement for more information.

What do you do to notice your shadow side? How do you recognise it and how to you address it?

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The trap of Positivity

Rian Sprigh — Tue, 19 Feb 2019 09:25:07 +0000

Is it possible to be too positive? Or is it perhaps negative to be too positive? Can a positive attitude be harmful? Most definitely.

What are you trying to hide behind that ever-glowing smile? What are you running away from? Stop denying it – it is not possible to always be positive. It is one thing to have a positive approach or outlook on life, but it is distinctly different from trying to convince yourself (and others) that you are an ever-positive person with nothing bad affecting you in life.

Why are we not allowed to have a bad day? Why are we afraid of admitting that something is not fine? What do we achieve by turning a blind eye to what is happening in the world around us? All for the sake of staying in a “positive environment” – or a fake one?

What are we afraid of? That if we acknowledge the “negative” things in life they will gain power? The thing is, by avoiding the negative things, we become unable to change it. You need to know the name of your enemy if you are to defeat it.

If you want to live an authentic life, you need to embrace all of life – the good and the bad. Don’t give up your authenticity, your humanness, for the sake of being seen as an always-positive person. I have so much more respect for someone who can break down and cry because life just sucks for that moment; being willing to lose the battle in order to win the war.

It is in the darkness of the shadow that you will find the weapon needed to defeat the enemy. Embrace the chaos of life. Embrace the sadness. Embrace the pain. Embrace the injustice. Face it, head on and call it by its name. Allow it to punch you, push you, throw you and step on you, because until you know its routine, power and origin, you will not be able to overcome it.

But you cannot do this if you choose to focus only on the positive, to only look for the silver lining. You will not be able to experience the light that brings the silver lining of the dark cloud until you allow that cloud to empty all its rain.

We are often told to use positive affirmations, mantras, to help us manifest or overcome bad situations. But do they really work? Or is it just a band aid on a wound that actually needs stitches?

Let’s break down the term “positive affirmations”:

Positive – Good, hopeful, nurturing, enjoyable circumstances. These are all synonyms or attributes of what we would consider positive.

Affirmation, which is to affirm – to state as truth and to support.

So when we create a positive affirmation based on a negative circumstance, what are we really affirming? Are we perhaps reinforcing the negativity? We are after all affirming that situation.

Let me give you a scenario: I hate my job. Like really hate it. So in order to help me cope with it and try to change it, I come up with a positive affirmation “My job is nurturing, supporting and makes me feel great”. I use it every day and it gives me some hope, but by the end of the day I get home frustrated and angry. That is because my “positive affirmation” is based on my negative experience, so instead of improving my situation, I am just reinforcing, affirming, the fact that I hate my job and trying to convince myself otherwise.

Positive affirmations need to be based on reality and not act as a distraction or something we use to try and convince ourselves. So a better “positive affirmation” for the above scenario could be “I am unhappy with my job, but I am open to finding ways to love it”. This way, you acknowledge the reality of the negative and you are calling in change, not just trying to convince yourself that everything is alright.

Positive affirmation, based on positive experience, work wonders in helping us focusing on and manifesting our goals. I will give an example of this:

I love my job and what I do, so I create a positive affirmation to help me excel in it such as: “My job is becoming more rewarding and fulfilling”, again affirming the reality (“becoming more rewarding” suggest that it already is rewarding) and calling in change.

So when creating affirmations, we need to affirm the reality and then change the energy.

We need to accept the duality of our existence. There is no running away from it. As long as you are here on this planet, there will be positive and negative experiences, on varying levels, until the day you die. No amount of ignorance will lead to bliss. But when you embrace the totality of life, you can turn the negativity in to positivity. Growing the light in your life so that you can handle the hard times better.

Face the negativity more easily. Bring about positive change. We need to transmute and transform the negative energies in to positivity and the only way to do that is to acknowledge, accept and experience them. They won’t just go away. Energy cannot be destroyed, it can only change form and the only way you can change it, is to work with it. Love your negativity.

Comment below to tell us how you embrace the good and the bad and which affirmations work for you to acknowledge reality while inviting in change. Or sign up for our self-worth email course.

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Manipulation: A Shadow Action

Robyn MacGregor — Sat, 16 Feb 2019 08:11:05 +0000

Before I start I would just like to admit that in doing research for this article I did not realize how much we have to deal with different kinds of manipulation every day, and have had to since we were children.

Lets start by identifying what manipulation actually is (because I do not remember this being covered in school).

Manipulation; a type of social influence that aims to change the behaviours or perception of others through abusive, deceptive or underhanded tactics.

Let have a look at some verbs used to describe manipulation

Blame
Control
Handle
Alter / Edit
Manage
Mislead

You get my drift…

How manipulation has been showing up in our lives.

Let’s talk about why manipulation is something that we have had to deal with since we were children.

If you think about the relationship dynamic that are your parents, they are our first lessons in life on basically everything. Back then it might not have been outright manipulation, but reverse psychology. Perhaps when your father wanted your mother to do something (like cook supper) he would say something like “You are so good at it, your food tastes so much better than mine”.

When playing with a friend that might have been younger than yourself, if you really liked a toy they had but couldn’t ask them if you could have it… or, you know, just take it… cause that would be stealing, you might have said something like “I wish I had a toy like this, it’s so cool” and they would give it to you.

Fast forward to your time in school, learning to deal with kids of all kinds, you might have faced peer pressure head on (which, thinking about it now, was our first and probably most important lesson that would set us up for how we would deal with different personalities, and pressures in later life). Think of the times that you felt forced to think something was cool when you didn’t really think it was or were coaxed into doing something bad cause the cool kids did it…. and we all wanted to be cool.

Now you are #adulting and still trying to define yourself, your beliefs and values. In the working world where everyone is different and has varying personalities, morals and values, strengths and weaknesses.

How do you know if you are being manipulated?

I do not believe that everyone that has manipulative tendencies always recognises they are being manipulative. I also think that even if you are a person prone to being manipulated, that you too might be a manipulator in some areas of your life. I do not think that this is something that can always be avoided but, with open and honest communication and self-reflection it is something, that we can improve on.

If you experience any of these emotions after a conversation with someone, it might be something you need to reflect on:

Questioning yourself (whether you were correct with what you said and whether you said it in the correct way).
Going over the conversation in your head or taking about it with a friend.
Feeling like it was your fault and the other person was justified.
Feeling a little duped.
Looking for justification that you were not wrong.

What can you do

A common trait that I have noticed about a variety of people that lead happy, balanced lives and never allow themselves to be manipulated…

They have boundaries.

At work they do not spend all their spare time with one or two people only, they chat to a variety of a people about different topics.

They do not spend every moment in the office. They take a couple minutes of their day to go outside, out of the office.

They don’t just work all day. They talk to people, greet them properly, ask them how they are doing and take an interest in something other than their emails.

What if you are the manipulator?

In this world of Facebook quotes about accepting the things we cannot change and not letting anyone dull your sparkle. What if you were to find out that you are actually the one that is manipulating and causing someone else a bit of stress and angst.

Notice the thoughts that you have throughout the day about a certain colleague. Perhaps if you catch yourself feeling a little annoyed of irritated… hey we are human beings, it happens. Think to yourself why you might have those thoughts and notice if it affects the way you speak to them or treat them.

With your partner or a family member we sometimes don’t let our best selves out but instead allow the grumpier, difficult, unprofessional, moody version of ourselves call the shots- because if I can’t be myself with my family then where can I be myself? Again notice who irritates or annoys you or makes you feel a certain kind of way, and which people you are your perfect self around.

For myself for example I have noticed that sometimes in different areas of my like I tend to gravitate and give more of myself to people who withhold from me or make me feel like “if they like me then I’m all good.” And tended to not give as much to someone who is overly nice to me or has never said a nasty thing to me. I’m working on it.

Does this resonate with you?

Have you ever noticed that you might be engaging in manipulative behaviour to get someone else to act in a certain way? Tell us in the comments below and sign up for our free self-worth email course below.

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The Shadow of modern-day “Spirituality”

Rian Sprigh — Fri, 08 Feb 2019 09:06:06 +0000

Is the “spiritual” community turning in to the same thing that drove people away from other institutions to seek spirituality in the first place? My opinion: absolutely, yes!

We are currently in a phase where spirituality, which used to be seen as the free-spirited, all loving way of life, has become just as indoctrinated, judgmental and controlling as the religious institutions of the world. How have we gotten to the point where “my spiritual path is more advanced and powerful than your spiritual path”? Why have we allowed the bastardization of sacred, ancient knowledge for the sake of “enlightenment”? At which point do we stop and say, “Enough is enough. We need to return to balance”?

In my opinion, a big shadow is being cast by the spiritual communities which is trapping people in a false sense of enlightenment and humility. There is a distortion of “truth” and what it means. People are using “standing in my truth” as an excuse to be nasty, judgmental, rude, disconnected, using intellectually learned spiritual practices to dismiss people’s feelings in times of grief; “Accept it as it is. The universe has its plan. It was not meant to be.” Where is the compassion? We are still human and even though there are “higher perspectives” of the bad things that happen in our lives, we are still allowed to feel the human part of ourselves and deal with our trauma in a very physical way. It is through our spiritual practices that we can deal with it with higher understanding and heal it instead of turning the trauma into wounding and victimhood.

People’s spirituality is being “measured” by what they wear, what they eat, how many courses they attend, which “gurus” they follow and so much more. Is this what it is all about? “How can you still eat meat?” I fully understand the impact that different types of food have on our body and especially our energy, but just because I choose to still eat meat does not mean I cannot be on a fully invested journey of self-exploration and spiritual understanding of myself. And this right here is the issue; there is too much focus on who is how spiritual that it has almost turned in to a competition to see who can be the most spiritual.

It leads to people taking course after course, frantically studying as many different practices as possible in order to stay ahead of the race for spiritual enlightenment. Never getting time to fully integrate and experience the impact that that knowledge can have in their lives. Everyone is a master these days, a guru, a yogi, a shaman. After how long of studying and practicing this particular practice or tradition do they claim to be a master? One week? One month? One year? Have they even fully integrated the understanding of what they are teaching, preaching and advocating? I don’t think so.

Will you be comfortable with an inexperienced surgeon operating on you or would you prefer an experienced surgeon with great tenure and respect in their field? So why not give the same consideration for your spiritual growth and well-being?

But why is this happening? There has to be a reason for all of this? After all, everything happens for a reason, right? Of course. And here is my understanding of it:

We have gone through a massive shift in consciousness which has awakened latent energies within a huge amount of people, leaving them with a hunger for self-discovery. With a lack of preparation for this energy, they start searching and find some courses and practices that really help put into perspective what they are going through. This is followed by a great excitement to help everyone else around them find this same joy and love that they have discovered for themselves – a genuine sincerity to share this profound awakening with others so that they too can feel that way – and that is when the focus-shift from self to others happen. I myself got trapped in this focus-shift, so therefore I have a lot of compassion for the situation and therefore I call this a phase that we are going through now.

Due to the influx of energies, we have just ended up with thousands of newly awakened seekers who are currently in this phase where they want to learn as much as possible and have everyone else experience the bliss of self-discovery as well; so until this “new generation” of spiritual seekers move beyond the focus-shift and get back in to their own selves, we will continue to see this “self-centered selflessness”.

It is up to the “old generation” of seekers to now hold the space, globally, for this period. Guiding with love and compassion those who are currently moving through this phase. Teaching them, not by books or courses, but by action and example, what it is to live a spiritual life. A life of self-discovery, a journey inward. Encouraging them to learn and study, but also to take time to fully understand and integrate. Encouraging them to help others, but reminding them that they cannot help everyone. Encouraging them to teach and pass on their wisdom, but helping them understand that not everyone is meant to learn and discover in the same way. Encouraging them to see the beauty, truth and power in certain practices and traditions, but reminding them that no one way is superior to another, what works for one person may not work for another. Showing them that one can reach the farthest expansions of Creation while still fully experiencing and enjoying a life here on Mother Earth and all the amazing physical things she has to offer.

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The importance of Shadow Emotions

Robyn MacGregor — Wed, 06 Feb 2019 09:00:56 +0000

It’s been a great day. I woke up slowly to the sound of birds tweeting. I got to work early, ate well, laughed with my colleagues and am now seated on the bus listening to some good music making my way home.

Scrolling through my phone gallery I find a photo of my sister that makes me laugh and think to myself how lucky I am at this moment in my life. To have safe timely transport home, to have a great job, to have a lovely little home that I get to live in, to have enough money to not have to struggle and to have a family.

All of a sudden a feeling comes over me after a quick thought about certain family members who are struggling with their own battles and demons and who unlike me do not have their health or happiness and I suddenly feel sad……but not a momentary sadness. A sadness that I have felt before that comes and goes and leaves me feeling guilty. A sadness that burns my nose and cheeks and makes my eyes water. I can’t cry on the bus? But why do I feel sadness or guilt?

It’s not by my doing that they are there.

And, within minutes my lucky life becomes something that I feel bad for having.

It had been a great day, hadn’t it?

Fear, anxiety, depression, anger, and guilt.

These are just some of the negative emotions that we as human beings must learn to deal with on a daily basis. They show up in a variety of ways and sometimes catch us off guard. Sometimes they are like hot coals that we hold in our hand – burning ourselves in spite of someone else.

These are bits of ourselves that we hide. Most of us are lucky enough to have close ones that understand and bear with us when these emotions show up unannounced, knocking at the front door like some estranged friend. We always feel so terrible when we are jealous of someone else’s luck in life, or angry when someone else gets what we want, or fearful when we just can’t do the thing we want to do. But we are never really taught how to deal with these emotions that we will inevitably feel. We will feel them because of the fact that we are…..and I’m going to drop a bomb here… flawed human beings…..and we always will be.

Why do we sometimes hide these feelings? Because we feel they are wrong? There is no black and white? Even if we are completely justified and the other person has wronged us, sometimes we would rather stew in the feeling than confront them. I feel that I am like that because I perhaps don’t know what the best way is to deal with it.

What happens if we do not deal with negative emotions?

I realized a while ago that a big reason why it is so important for us as children to attend a normal school, have normal friends and experiences is because school prepares you for the working life. It builds respect for work and a work ethic (think homework). It also prepares you to deal with different situations, people and emotions. Sometimes, though, I do feel that a little more emphasis could be placed on how a particular situation- and your reaction to it- is a learning curve for adulthood.

I was one of the many teenagers that were bullied during school and I sometimes feel that because of how it was addressed followed me into adulthood. Not being able to properly confront a situation without needing to think of exactly how I am going to deal with it and all the while the frustrations of it bubble up.

When you become an adult learning how to deal with negative emotions is very important because it shapes our relationships, as well as our self-esteem. Sometimes it may feel as though anytime that there is an issue that needs to be resolved, we might shy away because we feel the only outcome of attempting to take on a disagreement would be through argument. When we feel jealous or guilty over a situation we forget that there is another way out other than continuing to feel that way.

Perhaps that is why they are called shadow emotions. Because they follow us where ever we go and until we learn how to confront them and our own fears about them they will continue to drag behind us, weighing us down.

How do you deal with your shadow emotions?

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Confessions of a Yoga teacher – sitting with your shadow.

Robyn MacGregor — Mon, 04 Feb 2019 08:09:30 +0000

I am a yoga teacher. Being a yoga teacher gives you the opportunity to do and learn so many things.

You learn about the history and philosophy of yoga, anatomy and how the body works. You learn about the breath and its importance in our lives. You learn about the varied styles of yoga, what makes them different and how you would teach them differently. You learn how to cue poses and plan classes.

What you don’t always learn is how to deal with yourself.

How to deal with the multitude of fraudulent feelings that arise when you enter this over-saturated industry and begin to teach. You don’t learn about finding your own voice and don’t get taught how to develop your own style of teaching and what your niche actually is. You only know that it is very important and will be the only thing that separates you from other teachers.

You walk into a class that you are about to teach. There are about 15 people in the class, none of whom you have met before. They are all chattering amongst themselves and you realize that they are not speaking English. You have a look at a couple of them and see they all look quite fit and generally happy to be there. “Oh my God they are going to hate me“, you think to yourself.

You plug your music in, select your playlist, unroll your mat and sit down. You introduce yourself, thank them for coming and ask if there are any injuries you should know of or if anyone in the class has never done yoga before. To which you only receive silence back. I’m not joking, you get no answer and have to go on their facial expressions. And then as you ask everyone to close their eyes and breathe in through the nose……you go completely blank and realize that you have forgotten you have a mouth and can’t remember your sequence.

I am a yoga teacher, and although when I went into teacher training it was not for the sole purpose of teaching ( it’s more common than you think), I am happy that I decided to pursue this career because of how much I have learnt about people and myself. I will admit, though, that sometimes being a teacher has made me have to face some emotions and feelings that honestly, I would have been fine never having to deal with ever.

The reason I speak about these hidden emotions here is that it is not very often that a yoga teacher will admit when they are struggling.

We have to face things like

Learning how to project your voice, say what you mean and mean what you say…when you are a complete introvert.
Planning classes, music, themes, and sequences… when you can’t even plan your weekly grocery list.
Feel confident in your ability, experience, and knowledge….even though you completely forgot what the opening instruction of your class was.

We don’t really talk about

How we feel when a class goes terribly wrong or when that one student kept looking at the time.
How we struggle to make the class interesting and worry when the students look bored.
How there are millions of other teachers with far more experience and years, who have gone through workshops, training’s and studied yoga because its become their life and all you have at the moment is your basic training.
When the last time was we really practiced and how we struggle with our home practice, even though it is the single most important aspect to being a good teacher, and yet the one thing I have heard a lot of teachers say they have difficulty maintaining.

There are a whole world of boundaries to break and fears to confront.

When we speak about hidden emotions, there are 3 ways we as humans have evolved to actually press down and squash these feelings so tightly within ourselves that we eventually burst from too much hot air.

- We project -”I do not feel confident with the class or feel that I am good enough to teach or that the sequence is good enough to be taught and so feel that they will not like the class.”
- We rationalize – “Well I didn’t have enough time to plan the class better because I have a normal job”.
- We put on the social mask – “I am a yoga teacher and meant to be full of positive thoughts, sparkly unicorn farts and know how to cure that niggle in your knee.”

The only way, I feel, to get out of this is to go through it. Teach as much as I can, learn where I can and improve where I can.

I have an entire lifetime to teach and it can only get better.

Sometimes we just need to sit with our thoughts (and our shadows) and dissect what it is that is weighing on our hearts. Even when we might need to shatter the unrealistic facade that we have created in our attempt at perfection.

How do you sit with your shadow?

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Sitting with your Shadow

Rian Sprigh — Mon, 28 Jan 2019 09:00:32 +0000

We often hear and read about “shadow work”, or that person is “operating from their shadow”, “you need to integrate your shadow”, “I am struggling with my shadow” etc, but what does that even mean?

To understand the “shadow”, we need to start by turning to our physical, natural reality and ask: “What is a shadow?” A shadow is a disruption in the flow of light, casting a visual copy of the perceived object form the angle of the direction of light. Though shadows from the same object can differ in size and sometimes seem like a totally different shape, the object source of the shadow remains the same, but it is the intensity of and angle from which the light is shone that changes the appearance of the shadow. It is only in the total absence of light that a shadow does not exist – in darkness, a whole other topic.

Everything in our physical existence can cast a shadow when a light source is introduced. I am sure you have heard the saying that a flame does not have a shadow, signifying that by being a source of light you will not have a shadow. Yet, when you cast a light source on a burning candle at the right density or brightness and angle, even a flame will cast a shadow. What am I getting at you ask? That even a light source can cast a shadow when another light source is introduced, so no matter how “spiritually evolved” you may become, shadows will always come up to be dealt with.

So how does this apply to the spiritual aspect of our shadow?

Most of us have become so distracted in life; occupied with the mundane tasks of living, being part of society, living up to expectations, being what our families, jobs, communities, partners, children etc need us to be, that we never get to see ourselves, nor notice our shadows, until a light source is introduced – very often through a harsh life experience that shakes the flaps off of our eyes, but sometimes through a natural deep inner awakening.

We see ourselves for the first time, start to get to know ourselves, our true selves, seeing all parts of us as the Light shines upon us. And then we notice it, cast to the side in a shape that seems familiar yet unrecognizable – our shadow. It makes us see ourselves from a different perspective and angle. It makes us think differently about who we are and what we are going through in that moment. Sometimes making us act totally out of character or unaligned with good moral values.

Picture this situation: Your best friend of many years rubs you up the wrong way and suddenly that love that you feel for them feels a lot less like love and a lot more like anger, hate or vengeance. Something that has never happened before, so why now? This is the Light making you aware of the shadow part of your Love. It shines upon you, casting a shadow and using this quarrel to draw your attention to it. Acknowledge this shadow. How big is it? What is the light source casting this shadow? Is the light coming from your past? From your childhood? Does it have to do with your value and how you are perceived? How does this shadow make you feel? What aspect of the quarrel caused this light source to cast this shadow? Was it a word? An expression? Sometimes the light source comes through meditation, a healing session or another person shining in our lives and making us vulnerably aware of ourselves.

Now comes the time for decision: am I going to act on this shadow and roll with the anger, hatred and vengeance? Or am I going to act on the light source and heal this part of myself that is calling my attention? By having an honest awareness of yourself and a willingness to master your shadows instead of acting on them, you will be able to acknowledge when this happens and make the right decision – following the light to resolve the source of this issue instead of acting out and retaliating to your friend causing irreparable damage to a loving relationship.

The size and shape of the shadow and thus the difficulty or intensity needed to work with it will vary on the light source. Again, let’s turn to our natural surroundings to understand this a bit better: When a light source is weak or rather far away, the shadow will seem very dull, sometimes not even totally visible. When the light source is closer and brighter, the shadow is denser and more clearly visible. When the light source comes from a lower angle, the shadow appears long and stretched out and equal to the opposite, from a higher angle, the shadow will appear shorter and smaller. If the light source is very close, the shadow will be much, much bigger than the object itself.

The same happens with our shadow aspects. It depends on the intensity, angle and proximity the light source is coming from that will determine how dark and big this shadow will be in your life. And as we work on the light source to understand what is causing the shadow, we start integrating it. Pulling it closer to us until we can absorb it in to us and heal that part of us fully. Keep in mind that as you work on this light source, as it moves closer to you to integrate, the shadow moves along with it; changing in size and density, affecting your surroundings in different ways until you have integrated and healed the light source and the shadow disappears.

This is what it means to work with your shadow. Understanding that you will cast a shadow as long as you seek Light in your life and then being open and honest with yourself when that shadow is cast to see what light source it is coming from, so that you may integrate it and that shadow will no longer be cast, but instead become part of your being as wisdom and power to propel you forward on your path of soul evolution. It is not about “integrating your shadow” but instead integrating what is causing the shadow. Seeing the shadow as a teacher instead of an enemy. Knowing that this process will continue, always, until you yourself become integrated in to the Ultimate Light.

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