The anxiety is a hard, burning ball that sits low in my chest. It shortens my breath and tightens the muscles in my shoulders and face. I feel empty and antsy and cannot concentrate. I need to work but keep finding things to distract me. I need breakfast, coffee, water, lunch… anything to keep my mind occupied and off of what I am feeling.
I try to figure out where this comes from, try to analyse my thoughts and everything that is going on around me… But it is all calm. The rain is gently falling outside and my beautiful lab is laying sleeping on the floor by my feet.
I breathe in deep and hold it in for a second, feeling the stretch in by lungs and chest, feel the fullness in my throat. I slowly let the air escape up through my throat and out my nose, feeling how my lungs deflate as the air escapes. I do it again, this time holding it in a bit longer feeling full and satisfied with my chest full of air. I focus on my shoulders and relaxing them. I tilt my head to the left, trying to touch my shoulder with my ear and feel the stretch on the right side of my neck and shoulder, I drop my head forward slightly and feel the stretch in the back. I lift my head up and do the same on the other side, shoulders pulling down, ear trying to kiss shoulder. And I breathe.
I find myself staring off into the distance. At the sun struggling through the rain clouds and the tops of the trees. The power just went off and the house is quiet, the TV that I used as background noise while I am working is now refusing to be my crutch and I am left alone with my thoughts and my breath. My face is relaxing as are my shoulders. The demons chasing my are slowing down and my thoughts become more clear. I become more focused and quiet within. It’s ok. The burning fades and I breathe deeper and slower and I feel a slight smile spread on my lips. My heart feels more open and I give thanks for the quiet.
How do you work through your anxiety?
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