I remember when I stubbornly believed in the Twin Flame and even Soul Mate journey. I denied everything and everyone who contradicted what I thought I knew to be true. I lived in my spiritual world and got giddy with excitement at every sign or synchronicity that seemed to confirm what I thought I already knew.
And the signs were coming fast and loud! Numbers, images, messages, man, I was on FIRE!
Slowly… quietly I started to realise that this Twin Flame thing was just an illusion. A way for the universe to shake me to awake me. I had done many, many toxic and even self-harming things in the name of Twin Flame. I convinced myself that nothing I could do could be wrong, because it was the other part of my soul and we were destined to be together. I deserved it. It was mine and therefore any behaviour would be unconditionally acceptable. It was not.
This Twin Flame journey I was on broke me to my very core. I broke me to my very core. I spent so much time in the dark, sitting with my shadow that I started living in it. I worked and worked with all my messy bits until it became a part of my identity. And that is kind of what it’s meant to do – you see your shadow, you integrate it. But then you need to move forward. You need to give yourself the permission to let it go. To let the heaviness go. To allow yourself to be happy, to feel joy.
While I was deep in the Twin Flame illusion I saw a youtube video (I think it was from ‘You are Guru’) where she had just come to the realisation that the Twin Flame idea is just a way to get people onto their spiritual path. She kept saying ‘it’s not real, it is not the point of all of this – ending up with a specific human is not the point’.
I clicked on the cross and closed the window on that rubbish.. because seriously – my soul knew. But then it didn’t.
As I travelled deeper down the rabbit hole of my own spirituality and the awe and elation of this whole new world started to fade, I started to really see. You see, you are given exactly what you need to help you along your path. For me it was the idea of having a Twin Flame. If it was not for that, this website wouldn’t exist. I wouldn’t know who I am or what I am capable of.
That union that I so desperately yearned for – that I needed more than air – that was never the point. The point was to find myself and to find my quiet. The point was to realise that even when you KNOW there is just sooo much that you don’t know.
We look at 11:11 and find signs everywhere. We are constantly looking outside for indications to confirm what we believe. And they are there, synchronicities and signs. They area there to gently guide us along the way, to tell us ‘pay attention to this, now’.
Along my journey I, obviously, came across manifestation. I mean I would have had to be completely oblivious not to, it is so mainstream recently. I spent hours researching and watching videos, listening to guided meditations. Visualizing.
And nothing happened. I was just stuck in this same space, not sure what I was doing wrong. What I was doing wrong was that I did not trust myself – I did not trust myself and the universe to know what is best for me. I asked for things that my mind thought I wanted and needed to be happy, to be fulfilled. I controlled everything. I wanted to figure out and plan out how exactly each manifestation was going to come to me. I couldn’t. I, my mind, was my own cage. Just like it was when I stubbornly believed in the Twin Flame journey.
We get so very caught up in the spirituality of all of it: soul mates and akashic records and past lives and just the huge vastness of it all that we sometimes forget that we are just a bunch of energy – a little bit of universe bundled up and covered in skin. Here to experience itself fully. That is the point of it all. We are here to have a human experience. We’re are here to be an energy that is experiencing other energies. We are all connected to everything and everyone. That whether someone is your Twin Flame or Soul Mate does not really matter – what matters is how you and your soul experience this life, this moment of existence.
What matters is whether you see the cycles that has been running through your life – through the lives of your ancestors – and whether you are able to change it and transmute it. Whether you are able to help yourself and others to vibrate ever higher. We are here to heal ourselves and through that heal the collective.